Home > attention whores, I'm a List Dork, Recreational Drugs, Social Media > v-things and shit i hate in the social media world

v-things and shit i hate in the social media world

February 11, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

since the v-day holiday is upon us and i forget what it feels like to be gaga in love i’m not going to talk about v things. although i could do a V is for … post like i did C is for… cuz there are a ton of sweet V words:

voluptuous. vajayjay. visceral. vasectomy. valium. vodka. venus. vicious. vote. vanity. venomous. virile. vivacious. vaseline. veg. visionary. volatile. va va voom. vogue. vested. vamoose. vacation. veranda. vixen. villainous. victory. voracious. varmint and vermin. vulva. vamp. vw. vampire. voodoo. vineyard. vapid. vindicate. voyeur. vocabulary. vinyl. vehemently. venereal. vim and vigor. velvety. vent. verbatim. verge. vs. vibrator. vices. vintage. volley. volatile. vulgar.

that would be a damn good post. anyway, the lawnmower and i have been married for like 1.8 million years so we’re no violet and victor on v day. we’re more like vera and vernon. a name can say it all, can’t it? i think it’s so cool when people are giddy in love. the BIG smiles. the always having some body part touching. the fucking amazing chemicals surging through their bodies: endorphins, dopamines, oxy, pheromones, percocets, aphrodisiacs. it’s true. look it up in a science resource. the impenetrable happiness. the rose-colored glasses. the giggles. i haven’t had the giggles since the last time i did shrooms. oh and when i just recently watched zombieland. the can’t sleep and can’t wait to get out of bed and get to school or work just to see the person.

so i get it. i’m sad it’s gone, never to be back again. besides i wasn’t going to talk about v things. i’m going to talk about shit i hate in the social media world. cuz hate seems more reachable for me this time of year. here we go, hold on to your ass hats:

1. attention whores. i hate girls who post stuff like they’re going out fucking bikini shopping. exactly what kind of comments do you think they’ll get with this status? “show me the pics.” “get a hot one for your hot body.” “can i come?” “would love to be a fly on the fitting room wall.”  so let me get this straight, you need to let the whole sm world know how much every guy and his frat brother wants to bone you? classy. hope you get pregnant. these people are also #5.

2. ignorers. i hate when you send a message or tweet to someone with a question or something that obviously begs a response and you get straight up ignored. ignoring is ignorant! that’s right, ignoring is the latin root of ignorant. guess what, “no” “can’t make it” “i don’t know” are all answers, use them. don’t pretend i don’t exist. that’s just rude. like not thanking me when i hold the door for you. these people are also #3.

3. selfish social media users. i hate the people who put out all of these posts or tweets just for the feedback about how clever, funny, retarded, odd, or controversial they are. but they never ever comment on anybody else’s posts nor do they retweet anybody else. wtf fuck face! you have no opinions about anything unless it comes from your gem-spewing ass? you must be better than me fo sho. i am not worthy. these people are also #4.

4. jealous people. i hate people that won’t even comment when you have a proud parent moment on fb or twitter. really?  i commented on every stupid picture, announcement, and vid of your kid, but you got nothing when it comes to mine? that’s just wrong buckeroo. my kid rulz and if you can’t handle that or at least fake it then i pronounce you weak and jealous. and now i will rub it in all the harder.

5. horoscope publishers. i hate people who publish their daily horoscope. (unless it’s my friend susan because she can do no wrong in my eyes.) why am i supposed to care about your mood, lucky color, lucky number, lucky time of the day, etc when i’m not even the same sign? and unless i’m in love with you, which i discussed earlier hasn’t happened to me in a millenium or so, i don’t need this much detail about you. only newly-in-loves need this kind of detail about another person. you must be an attention whore who needs people to be obsessed with you and this kind of inane bullshit pisses me off because it causes me to scroll more to get through my feeds. so i’m sending you the bills for my carpal tunnel syndrome.

happy valentine’s day and wishing you that new love feeling because everyone but the people above deserves it. xoxo

  1. Linda
    February 11, 2010 at 1:17 am

    “are all answers, use them” too funny! It all goes back to fake and or self involved people in social media or anywhere. Who needs this shit? Not me! I learned a long time ago, I deserve better. I genuinely care but damn it not for those who can’t/won’t return the feeling. Most of my “friends” (not a fitting term btw) who fit into this category are relatives. Long story! I am truely lucky to have some kick ass real friends, of which you are one.

  2. February 11, 2010 at 1:43 am

    you are kick ass, bad ass and punk ass! lyl (love ya linda).

  3. Jon
    February 11, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    great post. also, just want to make sure i’m no #2.

    • February 11, 2010 at 7:29 pm

      hell no! you are none of these. you make social media enjoyable.

  4. Jenny
    February 11, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    love it…v-day is gone for me too….sad huh?

  5. February 11, 2010 at 10:51 pm

    heart-breaking.

  6. Kathy
    February 11, 2010 at 11:58 pm

    Too flippin good – you have to put all of these in a collection – you’d make beaucu (Spelling?) dinero, girlie girl!
    Love ya -

  7. Kathy
    February 11, 2010 at 11:59 pm

    Silly that I’d say a collection….duh….tehy are in a collection. What I meant to say is to publish them in book form and sell them up the yin yang!

    • February 12, 2010 at 1:19 am

      too kind kathy. but i like the idea of up the yin yang.

  8. Africanlegend
    February 15, 2010 at 9:03 pm

    Yeah I hear you on that….I have “buddies” that live in this fake little tweet world where they get to say all sorts of things and they never respond to a damn thing anybody else does….It a SOCIAL media NOT and ANTI-social media. You don’t go into a bar with a loud speaker and starter blurting things out and never respond to anything anybody else is saying. Shame on them!

    Huh……..I thanks for the rant……I feel better now.

    “If you rid the world of One Douchebag you have served a purpose.”

    http://www.stuff-about.com

  9. February 18, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    I like to believe I am all of 1-4 on a regular basis, and today I even managed to mention my horoscope. I am your social media worst case scenario!
    ;)

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