Archive for December, 2009

5 Things I Resolve NOT to Do in the New Year

December 31, 2009 1 comment

You had to know it was coming, a punk can’t resolve in the positive. So here are the five things I absolutely will not partake in during 2010. 

  1. I will NOT watch Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. There is nothing rockin’ about this man. He looks twice dead. Worse yet, it looks like they have him shot up with some kind of geriatric steroid that keeps him sitting up just long enough to perform for the duration of the show. How is this looking forward? It makes me cringe and scares the living daylights out of me. I’m all for respecting our elders, but that man is a talking corpse (if you can call what’s happening with his mouth talking) and I didn’t sign up for a horror flick showing at Midnight. Give it up already in the spirit of ringing in the new.
  2. I will NOT vote for my Senators who worked late into the night to pass the weak version of the Health Care Reform bill.  This bill dropped the government-run insurance plan that was in the House bill.  Why on earth would we hand 30 million new customers to these behemoth insurance companies paying CEOs $20 million a year? Why would we require the uninsured to become customers of these companies overrun with administrative costs and not offer them an affordable public option?  Second, the Senate bill would allow states to ban the coverage of abortions by health plans sold on the new exchanges. Keep your laws off our bodies!
  3. I will NOT read Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue: An American Life. My understanding is that “going rogue” means having unprotected anal sex.  Leave it to this windbag to be a maverick for the back door. Even though I am nobody and my blog is nowhere I am loath to even mention that vapid, righteous-in-her-own mind Caribou Barbie’s book in my list as I am only giving her undeserved publicity.  I wonder if she will be able to list her book as one she has read in her next interview with Katie Couric.
  4. I will NOT watch the Eagles as long as Michael Vick is on the team. His senseless treatment of dogs is unforgivable. There is no redemption for him. Rather he should be chained up under deplorable conditions and beaten until his death in the ring. Any team that would have him is shameful. Besides I’d rather watch soccer. Now that’s a beautiful sport, like ballet its choreography is delightful and moving. There aren’t a bunch of gorillas clad in a suit of armor running into a big pile of each other. And talk about athleticism. Soccer players have speed, coordination, and endurance. I’d like to see one of those football players run for a full 45 minutes without a break and deploy strategy and mad skills at the same time. But I digress.
  5. I will NOT buy a hybrid. Sorry to all of the tree huggers out there but I prefer the torque of my BMW 328i. I have a need for speed, what can I say.

I’m Torching this Bridge

December 30, 2009 6 comments

Who said you shouldn’t burn your bridges?  I’ve been there, done that, and am not going back again. I didn’t get to this point in my life just to remain muzzled. I was silent long enough during my suppressed childhood,  shy and insecure teen years, and the years I sought approval and validation as a young adult. I’m done being the good girl. I’m over the popularity contest. I’m through wanting to be liked and avoiding confrontation.  This is the time in my life to unleash.  “Speak now or forever hold your peace” isn’t just for wedding ceremonies.  

About six months after I left my position as Marketing Communications Manager at a large Philadelphia insurance company I connected with my former boss on LinkedIn.  We caught up on family and whatnot. So I asked her to write me a recommendation on LinkedIn. She seemed more than willing.  And to prove my credibility, here is her response:

“I’d be happy to write you a recommendation. If you don’t see anything in a couple of weeks, please remind me. You know how crazy things are here. Take Care, K.”

A few weeks pass and nothing. I sent her a friendly reminder. Still nothing. WTF. You’re too busy to write a LinkedIn recommendation? We’re not talking an old-school, one-page, personally addressed letter printed on high-quality paper here. Just a simple e-endorsement.  Very few words and little formatting required.  I have written about a dozen or so of these.   Two to three paragraphs max.  And Bingo! the person who asked for the recommendation is muy grateful.

I busted my ass for this woman. I put in late nights and weekends on a regular basis. She rewarded me with promotions, higher than average raises, and sterling reviews.  But I can’t get a FuckIn LinkedIn recommendation?

This year I received a Christmas card from her.  I decided to touch base to tell her how adorable her daughter is and guess what . . . ask for that recommendation again. This time no response to my email at all.  Color me puzzled.  Did she discover some evil thing I said about her while I still worked for her? Does she have a personal policy about not giving recommendations?  Does it occur to her that she may need a favor at some point in the future and without good karma she may find herself at a loss.  I’m worried about her priorities, but make no bones about it, I’m fucking pissed.

If someone can figure this shit out, please clue me in. In the meantime, guess who was  expunged from my Christmas card list:  Mrs. Cavanaugh.

Categories: What a Bitch

Ode to Fuck

December 30, 2009 7 comments

I’ve always wanted to blog, but about what. The cardinal rule of blogging, or all writing, is to write about something you’re passionate about and know intimately.  For me that’s the chronic use of Fuck. In all of its glorious derivatives.  Oh sure, I’ve been told on multiple occasions its use is not necessary, that anything that needs to be said can be said just as effectively without it. I wholeheartedly disagree. I’m not for censorship of any kind, and if Fuck is the best choice from your arsenal of descriptive terms, then let it rip.  Why the fuck not!  It’s got punch. It’s got edge. It marks you as ballsy. And frig, frick, flip, and eff are wussy words.  They just don’t fucking cut it.

Can some people describe things with clean language? Hellz yeah.  And I envy those who do. Take my friend Susan for instance.  Where I might respond to something obviously ridiculous with, “Oh my fucking god”, Susan will say “Holy crap”.  It works coming from her.  But not from me.  I enjoy cursing immensely.

And while I’m not a fan of the gratuitous use of Fuck or using it for shock value, I think it’s important, no paramount, that we praise the occasions when it’s applied perfectly, in the media or in everyday use.  Could you imagine Anthony Junior responding to the priest having eaten all the ziti with words other than, “So what, no fucking ziti now?”  Or when Sarah Palin said that small towns are the part of the country she really likes because that’s the pro-America part of the country,  Jon Stewart responded with, “You know, I just want to say to her, just very quickly: Fuck you.” 

See what I mean? If you’re all for keeping it real and agree that fuck should never be forsaken for a weaker term just to keep it clean, let me know. And don’t dilute your response.

Categories: Addictive Behavior, Edgy, Fuck