Home > I'm a List Dork, Michael Vick Is Scum, Somebody Please Shut Sarah Palin Up > 5 Things I Resolve NOT to Do in the New Year

5 Things I Resolve NOT to Do in the New Year

December 31, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

You had to know it was coming, a punk can’t resolve in the positive. So here are the five things I absolutely will not partake in during 2010. 

  1. I will NOT watch Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. There is nothing rockin’ about this man. He looks twice dead. Worse yet, it looks like they have him shot up with some kind of geriatric steroid that keeps him sitting up just long enough to perform for the duration of the show. How is this looking forward? It makes me cringe and scares the living daylights out of me. I’m all for respecting our elders, but that man is a talking corpse (if you can call what’s happening with his mouth talking) and I didn’t sign up for a horror flick showing at Midnight. Give it up already in the spirit of ringing in the new.
  2. I will NOT vote for my Senators who worked late into the night to pass the weak version of the Health Care Reform bill.  This bill dropped the government-run insurance plan that was in the House bill.  Why on earth would we hand 30 million new customers to these behemoth insurance companies paying CEOs $20 million a year? Why would we require the uninsured to become customers of these companies overrun with administrative costs and not offer them an affordable public option?  Second, the Senate bill would allow states to ban the coverage of abortions by health plans sold on the new exchanges. Keep your laws off our bodies!
  3. I will NOT read Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue: An American Life. My understanding is that “going rogue” means having unprotected anal sex.  Leave it to this windbag to be a maverick for the back door. Even though I am nobody and my blog is nowhere I am loath to even mention that vapid, righteous-in-her-own mind Caribou Barbie’s book in my list as I am only giving her undeserved publicity.  I wonder if she will be able to list her book as one she has read in her next interview with Katie Couric.
  4. I will NOT watch the Eagles as long as Michael Vick is on the team. His senseless treatment of dogs is unforgivable. There is no redemption for him. Rather he should be chained up under deplorable conditions and beaten until his death in the ring. Any team that would have him is shameful. Besides I’d rather watch soccer. Now that’s a beautiful sport, like ballet its choreography is delightful and moving. There aren’t a bunch of gorillas clad in a suit of armor running into a big pile of each other. And talk about athleticism. Soccer players have speed, coordination, and endurance. I’d like to see one of those football players run for a full 45 minutes without a break and deploy strategy and mad skills at the same time. But I digress.
  5. I will NOT buy a hybrid. Sorry to all of the tree huggers out there but I prefer the torque of my BMW 328i. I have a need for speed, what can I say.
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  1. January 1, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    ahhahaha…you have some really funny stuff out there 😀 About tree huggin, you can be a tree hugger in so many other ways other than changing your car :)))

    Good luck to you and your blog!

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