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People that have to GO: Veggie Girl

February 8, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

By Guest Blogger Sparklinglegend (yet another cheese celebrity couple name)

You have likely encountered this woman at an overpriced, organic food store like Whole Foods, or at a yipster coffee shop, drinking coffee with soy milk and typing on her “earth friendly” MAC-book-pro; made from 99% recycled materials, with a biodegradable screen and reclaimed hard drive. If you are a guy, you may even have been unfortunate enough to have dated her.

You don your finest frock, drown yourself in cheap but decent smelling cologne and prepare for a date with the dreamy girl you met outside Whole Foods (first mistake). You pick her up, she seems like a regular girl. She is not wearing a vegetarian identification badge or a necklace made of eucalyptus leaves to warn you of her leaf related exploits. Your waiter comes to take your orders. You order your usual, the House Rump Roast and ask that it be moo-ing and walk itself onto your plate.

She orders the “Rain forest Salad” with tofu, croûtons and nine different plants that sound like names of Star Trek characters. You naturally assume her meal is a starter and that she just has a healthy appetite (a good sign). Your food comes, dripping with blood and causing you salivate. You tuck in enthusiastically, being careful to eat in a calm, dignified manner (see 10 things not to do on a date: date killing 101). After a while you look up to see if your date is enjoying her meal. She is not eating, instead she is staring at your succulent juicy steak while silent tears drip down her face.

Embarrassed you look away to give her time to compose herself. Suddenly the tears are no longer silent, she has broken out into noisy sobs causing everyone in the restaurant to look at you as though you were Kanye West. It suddenly becomes clear, she in fact ONLY ordered the Rain forest Salad and the tantalizing smell of your well-chosen meal is too much for her starving body.

You are pretty pissed off, after all she could have easily ordered her own House Rump Roast, but she is really hot and besides the bodybuilders in the corner look as though they are about to jump up and call you outside. You could definitely take them but you’d rather avoid a scene. “Would you like a piece of my steak?” She looks at you in total disgust, her jaw on the table “I. don’t. eat. meat, it’s cruel to animals,” she hisses. She jumps up, “Murderer” she screams and runs out of the restaurant leaving you to grab your half-eaten cow and get out before the body builders reach you.

Why this person needs to go
We get it, a vegetarian diet is healthy. However, you don’t have to give vegetarians a bad name by being annoying about it. It does not make you better or more humane than the rest of the world to choose to be vegetarian. You simply chose not to eat meat, yet in many instances you go to great pains to emulate its taste, occasionally eating fish, beetles and worms which in your mind somehow managed to elude being animals. The illustration below is of a food pyramid detailing what food is appropriate for human consumption.

In conclusion, it is perfectly acceptable and natural to eat meat and by no means disgusting. The human body is capable of digesting it after millions of years of evolution. This is not an accident. If you want to do something to save the innocent animals out there I have an idea. Jump right in between a lion and it’s prey. Inform the lion on the benefits of a veggies only diet and see what it thinks.

What to do with this person

Save a tree, eat a vegetarian.

What ever you do one thing is clear…”Veggie Girl” has got to go! 

If you like the kind of wisdom you found in this post, be sure to read more from our guest blogger’s site @ http://www.stuff-about.com/

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  1. African Queen
    February 9, 2010 at 5:16 pm

    I decided a long time ago never to feel embarrassed while chomping away at my meat. Its that person’s choice to be a vegetarian and as far as I am concerned, they shouldn’t enforce their life style on me. Thats just selfish!!

  2. February 12, 2010 at 7:40 pm

    I’m a vegetarian, but I can totally enthuse over a tasty looking steak. It’s like appreciating an attractive person other than my wife – I’m not going to EAT it, but I can understand why you might be excited to.

    That said, I will unleash the guilt on you if you order veal, but I did that even when I ate meat daily.

  3. Africanlegend
    February 15, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    Krisis clearly your are not the unreasonable vegetarian detailed here….

    Yeah the “attractive other than my wife” example is a great one to use (except maybe in you wife’s eyes).

    I mean meat is not disgusting, neither is a plate of leaves. I don’t think anyone has to feel bad except Vegans, since science and reason have determined them to be stupid.

    There is NO need for veal to be honest!

    http://www.stuff-about.com

  4. Moomoo
    February 6, 2011 at 11:51 am

    I’m a vegetarian but that’s because my parents were vegetarians when my brother and I were born. I don’t do it because it’s cruel. My parents just didn’t like it very much and I was brought up like that. Simple as.
    When I was at school, I’d be sat by people, eating a cheese sandwich or whatever and they’d be eating a ham or tuna sandwich or something. Halfway through eating it, they’d suddenly turn to me, look at their food and look at

  5. Moomoo
    February 6, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    I’m a vegetarian but that’s because my parents were vegetarians when my brother and I were born. I don’t do it because it’s cruel. My parents just didn’t like it very much and I was brought up like that. Simple as.
    When I was at school, I’d be sat by people, eating a cheese sandwich or whatever and they’d be eating a ham or tuna sandwich or something. Halfway through eating it, they’d suddenly turn to me, look at their food, look at me again then say “OMG, SORRY!!!” and be really apologetic. I’d just be like ‘Seriously, I honestly don’t care! Enjoy your food!”
    And in year 7 or 8 or something, we were dissecting pigs’ hearts. I didn’t want to because I don’t like actually cutting stuff up like that. Meat, yeah, I wouldn’t care, but I would feel a little I’ll cutting up a heart. Anyways, so most people were cutting them up, enjoying themselves and I was perfectly happy just watching them spill blood out of the hearts and stuff and there were these two (meat-eating) girls in the corner like ‘OMG I feel sick’ and I was thinking to myself, they eat that kind of thing? If anyone should be feeling sick, it’s me, but I’m not!
    Last point- Yesterday, I told my friend about this video and how funny it was:

    (It’s a video of ducklings being blown off their feet by the wind then trying to run back into line behind their mum) I told her how funny it wad and she was like ‘But you’re a vegetarian! That’s horrible!’ and I was like ‘Yeah. Definition of vegetarian: Doesn’t eat meat. There’s nowhere that says ‘A vegetarian is someone who can’t have any kid of animal-related sense of humour’!’ and I laughed. ^.^

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