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i’ve gone pro, y’all

March 9, 2010 Leave a comment

patty punker has gone pro! that’s right, now i’m self-hosting my blog over at www.pattypunker.com.  now i can drop more f bombs and maybe sell some ads to support my nicorette habit.

so come on over and show me some love. xoxo

priestess of depravity

March 3, 2010 13 comments

i received the most epic comment (reflection, really) on my last post about hot foreign dudes i’d like to schtup. it was from my college buddy, matt attanasio, and because of its sheer brilliance, i’m stealing it and posting it on MY BLOG. it’s also easier to steal than it is to write my own shit. i’ve put my favorite passages in bold, so you can clearly see why matt is the shizzle.

matt attanasio looking devil-red

also, i’m finally up and running on my new site. i don’t have a new design yet, but everything has been transferred over with the help of wpbeginner. so huge thanks to them. they’re full of rad goodness. i did some of the work and updated my tagline and my about page, so check it out. subscribe. add it to your faves. love me madly.  and here’s matt:

“It dawned on me last evening as I was tossing and turning through another sleepless night. It’s been days wrestling with this monster, this endless demon that could only be slayed by writing about it which will hopefully put it to it’s final rest. I have finally figured out the mystery, the key unlocking that great chastity belt in the sky. The reason, yes the true reason why Patty Punker has gone through boxes of Energizer’s lusting after Hugh Grant.

I must admit, it bemused and befuddled me why this priestess of depravity would even have an interest, no less a burning passion for this seemingly uber-conservative upper crust and IMHO utterly boring Brit turned Hollywood actor. Lets face it, Hugh is the King of Swoon for all those prissily dressed nice girls who love their boyfriends and kiss their mommy and daddys before they go to bed at night. The chicks who love the dare I say “chick flicks” that endlessly play on the Starz channels when there’s no testosterone in the room. But Patty? She would never fall for such frivolity. She would never fall for such a proper dull gent as he. She would never be interested in such a screen persona. Or would she? That’s it! It’s just a persona. Maybe there was another side to the dapper Mr. Grant. A dual persona; kind of like the Mormon Dual Jesus, but not really.

Than I remembered a tale from years ago. A tale so sordid that I tried to expunge it from overly obsessed mind. Apparently, I have not been successful. Wasn’t our hero arrested on Hollywood Boulevard for soliciting a hooker? Wait a minute, it wasn’t just an everyday washed up 35 year old crackwhore looking for another fix. It was a transvestite hooker. Oh, the sordity, the depravity not to mention the utter stupidity.

It all started to make sense to me. Patty wasn’t swooning over the Hugh that most of us see on the silver screen. She was swooning over the “other Hugh”, the reckless and raunchy Hugh that she could plainly see behind that snarky smile of his when he’s dazzling some on- screen harlot. I can finally rest now because life is once again making sense. Patty’s lust is justified; and the world is a better place for it.”

top 5 foreign dudes i’d like to get naughty with

March 1, 2010 27 comments

i’m researching taking my blog pro, i.e., purchasing my own domain, managing my own site, and incorporating a new site design.  it’s eating up a lot of time and making me feel stupid. but hey, maybe someday i can have ads and that would give me a little extra occasional money for recreational drug use. it’s good to have goals.

in the meantime,  here’s a quickie to hold you over. i always say, there’s no reason for the DTs, just find a substitute. i think that’s a valid analogy here. anyhussy, here is my list of the top five foreign dudes i’d like to get naughty with (foreign for the added challenge):

1. javier bardem. this is one hot tamale! he had me in the dancer upstairs. was remarkable in love in the time of cholera.  but made it to the top of my list in vicky cristina barcelona where i couldn’t stop thinking, “i’m def going to watch this movie again in slo mo when the hubby and daughter aren’t home.” and who else can rock a bowl cut like he did in no country for old men? 

2. benicio del toro. if javier is 5 chile peppers, benicio is 4.5. those are some soulful bedroom eyes and eyebrows. yes, eyebrows can be bedroom worthy. and kitchen counter, top of the dryer, hammock, and dining room table worthy. if you don’t believe me, watch traffic or 21 grams. then see things we lost in the fire.

3. gary oldman. he just stole some of my favorite movies of all time and played some of the most intriguing characters ever: sid vicious  in sid and nancy, count dracula in bram stoker’s dracula, the pimp in true romance, and ludwig van beethoven in immortal beloved. there’s something raw, edgy, and gritty going on inside that head of his and i need to tap that!

4. daniel craig. two words: james bond. he’s just the sexiest bond to date and the first bond to fall in love! i think he’d fall in love with me, too, if he knew me. but if he just wanted to wham-bam-thank-you-maam me that would be quite alright. fuck, just look at the body on this guy.

5. hugh grant. when you look up “cute and charming as all get out” in the dictionary, a picture of hugh grant shows up. four weddings and a funeral, notting hill, bridget jones’s diary, about a boy, two weeks notice, and love actually. in the latter he does a little dance like he’s mick jagger and damn that’s cute. guys, he is like the male version of your jennifer love hewitt. he may even bedazzle his balls because he’s just that adorable and funny.